Life

Hello-

It's almost one in the morning, and well I'm not just not really at the point where I can fall asleep. I have many thoughts bouncing around in my head, that just need to be let go.  Looking  back on the past year of my life it hasn't really gone like I had planed.  I graduated college a year and a half ago. I have been in Vegas for about a year.  My first six months in Vegas were spent like a sloth, I had lost motivation. I glad to say that I still have moments were I lack motivation but I have found that having a job and getting some friends helped immensely. But now things are changing and I have to readjust.

My sister got engaged and I'm beyond thrilled, I'm so excited that Jay will be part of our family. Now, my sister is moving, and I'm sad. One of the perks of being in Vegas was knowing that everyone who I loved was close. A quick drive over for dinner, sleepovers, etc. It was comforting to be near my family again after college. I didn't realize that  how much I missed those moments.

In college I learned that I like being independent and having my own life, but I can also get complacent. Once I get comfortable, I stop trying to achieve anything, unless I get some sort of awaking. After my dad died I needed an escape. An escape from everything. I liked being some place where I didn't have to be the girl who's father died, and didn't have emotional scars. I that's what college was for me. I don't know what I learned in college that has helped me do anything of great impact, for me it was four and half years of figuring out who I was, not what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do with my life.

I made friends in college (and high school) who are near and dear to my heart. They could tell you that I'm a loyal to the end friend but I have some quirks. I'm awkward. I tend to freeze up in most social situations, and I suck at meeting new people. I like instant friendship. This doesn't happen all that often but when it does it magical. Most all of my good friends were started this way. When this doesn't happen, I just get more awkward. I have meet some really good people in Vegas. I feel like they have made an impact on my life and I have been ignoring them lately. Which is another lovely quirk of mine. I get in a certain mindset and I become anti-social. I have never been the social butterfly, nor do I see myself becoming one. I'm the happiest homebody you could ever find, and I don't mind being alone. In high school I was friends with the same sort of people, so it was easy. In college the same sort of people. But now I find that part of me wants to be more social and I like hanging with people who are social and I put myself out there and then when it looks bright and shinny I revert back to my homebody comfort zone. It's beyond frustrating.

Growing up in Utah and now living in Nevada has given me a new perspective. I don't want to offend anyone here, and I wouldn't take my childhood back but the expectations of 24 year old woman from Utah don't apply to me, and it has the tendency to make me feel like I haven't accomplished something. Part of me feels like I failed, because I don't have a husband or babies. But then I think about it and I'm not ready for a husband or babies, AT ALL!  I didn't get the chance to have fun and let loose when I was in high school. I grew up because I had to. In most cultures being 24 is the point in your life where you can mess up, make some bad choices and learn from them, have fun. I'm getting a second shot to recapture the joy of being young again, and even if I struggle to do it I will have some fun and do something crazy because I can.

So this blog is getting pretty much over, because I got everything major off my mind. I feel better knowing that it's written, and I can come back and reflect on it later, but mostly besides some horrible grammar its out of my head and it's free. 
-Katie